Category Archives: fitness

Try, Try, Try. Period.

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“If you can’t fly, run. If you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk, crawl. But, by all means keep moving.” ~Martin Luther King Jr

Sometimes it takes digging deep – really deep – to keep getting back up and trying. Has anyone else noticed that?

I have been going through an exacerbation of my MS symptoms, with old symptoms returning with a vengeance. To complicate matters, my peri-menopausal flare-ups are adding new symptoms that I am trying to wrap my head around, as well. Combine the two – and well, we have a pretty fatigued and worn-out Carolyne on hand.

Last week was a particularly busy week at work, and I had to be on-site at the main office for most of the week. My MS symptoms were flaring pretty badly before the week had even started, with MS Hug episodes taking my sparkle down to a dull “splat”. Then, the 2nd day into the busy week I was hit by what I am now calling the dreaded peri-menopausal period. My fatigue and pain got so bad that one of the days I actually left the room full of people I needed to be with, headed to my office, shut the door, and lay there doing the yoga “legs up the wall” pose for 20 minutes…just breathing and trying to meditate to reduce the pain and fatigue and brain fog. (I think someone may have come into my office during that time…but left when they saw how busy I was!)

My synchro swimming was also affected in that my coach could tell right away that something was not right. She could see my fatigue and my balance was way, WAY off.

SO…this peri-menopausal period stuff seems to be becoming quite the deal-breaker for me lately. Cramps worse than when I was a teen. Fatigue like a sledge hammer. Brain fog galor.  Is this normal for someone with MS, or for anyone?? I really don’t know. Doctors don’t like to say anything for sure, though some websites do mention that hormonal changes can affect MS symtoms. I am here to say that when my period comes these days, it is like I have been hit with the Fatigue Hammer of the Gods! Holy crap! I can’t think straight; my pain levels skyrocket; and my fatigue takes me down to the ground. So…seeing as I am my own science experiment…I would say that my observations are telling me that my peri-menopausal menses and symptoms are prone to exacerbating my MS symptoms greatly. And I don’t like it!!!

But – no matter what, crushing pain or no, I have a family to take care of…so I gotta push through the pain, fatigue and brain fog and just keep tryin’. When I came across the song and video by Pink, it resonated with me…and to me, it inspires the will we need to keep trying.

“But just because it burns
Doesn’t mean you’re gonna die
You’ve gotta get up and try try try
Gotta get up and try try try”
~Pink

So that’s what’s been going on with me. I am getting up. I am trying. Period.

So what’s going on with you?

Namaste.

Carolyne

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Recognising your Own Inner Strength through the Fear

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“The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.”  ~ Lao Tzu

Image Source: theinnerstrengthclub.com

I often get alot of people asking and commenting to me “How? How do you find the strength to keep going? To keep fighting? I couldn’t do it…I just don’t have that kind of strength.”

I am going to let you  in on a little secret – we ALL have that inner strength. The problem is, not all of us have the faith in ourselves or the willingness to accept or see that spark of inner strength and help fan the spark into a roaring fire.

You see, once you feel the fear of whatever it is that is stopping you in any way (such as facing the fear of living with a chronic illness), you then have 2 choices: to deal with the fear and move forward, or to let the fear control you and stop you from moving forward.

Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step. ~ Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Remember the old  saying “Feel the fear and do it anyway”? Or, the old Nike slogan “Just do it”? Basically, these are all telling us to recognize our own inner strength; to not allow fear to make or keep us in a victim mentality. But saying and doing are entirely different things. It takes hard consistent work our our parts to keep moving forward, despite the fear, despite the drama, despite the fatigue…

I remember in my younger days, as a teen and young adult, how fear controlled me – fear of what people thought of me; fear of violence; fear of judgement; fear of non-approval; fear…yuck. Then after my kids were born, some of that personal fear was replaced by other fears: fears for my kids safety, fears for their health; fears for what they might witness or experience as they grew up. When I was diagnosed with a chronic illness, those fears changed yet again to fears for my quality of life; fears for how my health would impact my kids; fears for how I could cope with it all.

I can look back now at everything I have gone through, and everything I will go through, and I am confident that I have the strength to tackle anything. Does that mean I am sure that I will always succeed? Heck no! It means that I am confident that I have the strength, succeed or fail, to move forward and deal with anything that comes my way. Does it mean there will be no wavering? No tears? No anxiety at times? Heck no! It means that I am confident that I have it in me to always be able to re-group and grow, and figure out the best way forward for me.

And what are the key ingredients to this confidence and inner strength?

  1. Honesty – Always be honest with yourself. The worst thing you can do is lie to yourself. It’s okay to be afraid, tired, frustrated, sad, angry…
  2. Acceptance – Accept where you are in your life right now. Recognize that everyone learns and grows at their own pace, so you are exactly where you need to be right now.
  3. Persistence – Never, never, never give up. There will be setbacks. There will be days when you feel your life sucks. There will be days days where you wonder if it’s worth it all. Persist anyway! Feel the fear, and keep moving forward, even if it is only a millimetre at a time, or if it feels like you are taking 2 steps back for every one step forward. Remember it’s a journey – one tiny step at a time.

And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.   ~Anais Nin

Feel the fear – and do it anyway!

namaste

Carolyne

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Turning Negatives into Positives as a Tool for Managing Chronic Illness

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“Our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as being able to remake ourselves.” -Gandhi

One thing I adore about cats is that no matter what situation they find themselves in, they usually figure out a way to make it a comfortable one. And they don’t make any apologies for it!

The new year always brings with it shiny new resolutions, new goals, new resolve. The beginning on 2012 has been a bit of a challenge for me, as concussion repercussion vertigo and MS weakness and fatigue have flared up. What it’s meant is that I have been forced into a bit of a downward physical spiral in that the vertigo prevented me from doing my usual cardio (though I managed a couple of aqua fit type classes for movement and falling safety…but the pace is very slow for my fitness level). Yoga has been greatly modified to allow for safety…so when I have been well enough, I have done restorative yoga. But none of the usual “pushes” over the bulk of the holiday.

I admit, I pushed myself to attend a New Year Welcoming 2012 Yoga event, doing 108 Sun Salutations to welcome the year and donate to charity. That was a double pleasure for me, because I also got a chance to lead a segment of the 108 Sun Salutations…a happy surprise! I took breaks as I needed…child’s pose…mmmmm. My darling Mikey got through all 108! WOW! We were both very sweaty and rubbery by the end – but what a great way to get a sweat on! Savasana felt SOOOO good.

This year is one in which I will be challenging my body to make changes. Yoga will continue to be my tool to see me through it all. I will be seeing new specialists regarding concussion damages and how to manage them. One thing that is always a challenge, and makes your body change, is medication changes. For instance, I recently weaned off my anti-depressant, as recommended by my sleep specialist neuro doc…it had the positive effect of improving my sleep, but negatively it may have affected my medication cocktail in such a way as to affect my metabolism…causing weight gain. (Not just the xmas weight gain.) So I will use this as the opportunity to challenge myself to lose the weight…and maybe a few more that crept on over the course of the ups and downs of the recent year. The docs will be changing my seizure meds too – to adapt to the sleep issues. They want me to change to a seizure med that reduces sleep and mood interference, and that is known to help with pain and even with weight gain issues. This could be a good opportunity to learn even more about how my body works and how to manage my health…but it will be another slow road.

“Always concentrate on how far you’ve come, rather than how far you have left to go.” -Unknown

Namaste

Carolyne

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A Revealing Conundrum

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“The most important of life’s battles is the one we fight daily in the silent chambers of the soul. “~ David O. McKay

(photo credit: http://actinglikeanimals.wordpress.com/tag/dog/ )

Have you ever been in a situation where you had to weight the pros and cons of revealing something about yourself and risking making yourself conspicuous rather than staying inconspicuous?

I recently had to do a complex travel hop for work…alone. This hop included a flight to Ottawa for one day, then a mid-day hop to Toronto by air the following day, then an evening flight to return to Halifax after a day of meetings on the final day. So what was my conundrum? Whether or not to reveal my seizure disorder to airline personnel.

To reveal, or not to reveal – that was the question!

If I don’t reveal, and have a seizure, I could end up in the middle of some strange city as a form of “Jane Doe” with no one aware of my predicament. Or I could make sure I have back-up in the form of colleagues and travel staff at least knowing who I am and where I came from and where I should be. It really is kinda black-white in terms of pros-cons…but the part about making myself stand out from the crown is the part that can be the question du jour. Because I have absolutely no warning if and/or when a seizure may occur, and because they are full-on tonic-clonic, and I lose awareness of myself for hours thereafter, revealing is a very real question that I must consider whenever I travel alone. For example – in travelling to Ottawa and Toronto, I was heading alone on the flight, and staying alone in my hotels. If I had had a seizure mid-flight…the airline staff needs to know how to help me and who to call to care for me.  I have colleagues in both cities, so I could give them names. Coming home, I could give them my family contact info. But giving my contact info is not the issue…it’s the very real choice I must make to actually reveal my medical condition and the reason WHY they need my contact information.

Initially, I was not quite sure how to go about it – I wanted privacy as much as possible. So I finally decided that the best way for me to handle it was to board the plane during the pre-boarding times…when people need extra help, extra hands, extra time. That way I could get the airline stewards’ attention a bit more privately, and feel a bit less conspicious. (Now – that being said, sometimes the glares from impatient people waiting to board and watching what seems to be a perfectly hale and hearty woman boarding in pre-boarding can be quite daunting. I can only imagine the colourful words cycling in their heads!)

I gotta say – having 3 opportunities on 3 different planes in 3 days to experience my revealing conundrum was fascinating in some ways. (That nerdy scientific side of me always comes to the front, eh? Such a geek! ) One young steward was absolutely thrilled because he was a registered nurse with a neuroscience specialty. One steward was stunned, and did not know what to do with the information. One older steward was very professional, noting information and checking on me mid-flight. Me-thinks age and training levels may have had some play here, eh?

So – was revealing as much of a conundrum as I had thought previously? Not really. But then again, I am a person who is willing to be transparent and share my experiences in life so that others can learn from them, if it applies.

Revealing takes courage, and a willingness to be vulnerable. If you are not a person who is comfortable being open about personal issues, this can be a very tough situation. One has to weigh the pros and cons for themselves and decide – to reveal, or not to reveal.

That is the question. What is YOUR answer?

“Since life and experience is a matter of trial-and-error, there’s no need to take choosing – or life itself – too seriously.” ~Soren Lauritzen

Namaste

Carolyne

K.Y.L. Yourself – no, really!

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“When I’m good, I’m very good, but when I’m bad, I’m better. ”
― Mae West

(photo credit: World of Harmony)

K.Y.L.  It means, for those who are not sure, “Know Your Limits”. It’s not as easy as it would seem!

Recently I have noticed that my “inner bitch” has been more mentally vocal of late. My patience is thinner than normal – to the point of nearly being non-existent if I have to deal with inefficiency and laziness at the office. Yikes. Without quite seeing it it, I’ve been feeling unsettled, with a low-level of anxiety, for the past couple of weeks. A number of things have been contributing to it..but the main this is that I have been pushing myself and not acknowledging my own limits. I always have some big project or big idea on the go, and my passions for helping people often translate into taking on way too much.This unsettled feeling translated for a while into me doing more, More, MORE. Why I go that way when I am overwhelmed & tired…well, that’s something I need to watch. Chalk it up to that old Type-A personality of mine!

How does one recognise when they have pushed themselves beyond their limits? It’s taken me over 47 years, but I think I am finally starting to recognize my own signs…I am finally KYL-ing myself better! For me, a very patient person normally, I see that my patience wears desperately thin, and I just need to get away from people as I pull in emotionally. My sensory input goes on overload – noise drives me up the wall and create low-level stress that grows. If I don’t address it, I begin to get agitated and antsy – craving sweet or salty foods…too irritated and exhausted to make healthy meals. (My kids love that phase because pizza becomes a staple!) My ability to push myself to exercise, meditate, and do my yoga becomes compromised…I’d rather just sleep. I find making simple decisions, like what’s for dinner, become irritating and burdensome – I resent having to decide. I also notice that I seek TV “fluff” more, and need to read simple fantasy books. (When I am really overwhelmed and pushed beyond my limits, I crave paranormal romance novels. Nothing like a good sexy and ripped immortal highlander to rescue you from the drudgery of your own thoughts, eh? Gives me a whole new perspective on “Hot Flash”!)

Now that I see that I have been pushing myself beyond my own limits, I can deliberately do the things that bring me back to my centre and allow me to rediscover my personal balance – things such as rest more, do more yoga, read or watch more mindless “fluff”, or pull back a bit on some of my personal projects. (Instead of 5 big personal projects, I cut it down to 2, with plans to take on the other 3 down the road when the timing and energy is better! Yay me! Hah!)

For me, this balancing act, and the ability to know my own limits, is critical. If I push beyond them, I risk provoking a seizure. I would really rather not, thank you very much. While I am never “there” myself – they really cause quite a cuff-uffle for friends and family due to their drama.

How about you? Do you have any signs or habits that signal that you’re maybe doing too much and going beyond your own limits?  KYL for yourself!

“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times

Namaste

Carolyne