Tag Archives: wellness

Chronic Illness and Mental Health: Ghosts We Fear to Discuss

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The moment in which the mind acknowledges ‘This isn’t what I wanted, but it’s what I got’ is the point at which suffering disappears. ~ Sylvia Boorstein, Happiness is an Inside Job

Did you know that today, February 12th, is mental Health Awareness day? It’s a day for talking about what most of society wouldn’t talk about in the past. The stigma is HUGE.

Well, by now most of you know how I feel about stigma!

Depression is one of the “side effects” of a chronic illness, like MS… a struggle with maintaining good mental health. Personally, I call my own struggle as a struggle with the Ghosts of Lifetime Past. Let me explain…

What I have noticed over time for myself is that as my MS has progressed, so has my own awareness and understanding of myself – but in ways I never could have seen coming. For example, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is a fact of life for me now…for various reasons and at various levels of complexity. When my symptoms of fatigue and pain pull me down, I tend to feel like a burden to family and friends. (Rationality has nothing to do with it!) I then can tend to feel depressed and even more emotionally exhausted…and I want nothing more than to “escape” from this burdensome-ness by disappearing somewhere, anywhere. I understand now that this comes from past emotional trauma from a very young age in which I was the oldest child of an alcoholic parent who would insist that our entire family would end up living on the streets without a home nor food and in rags if I, as oldest child, did not “shape up, do more to take care of the house, and be more responsible for my siblings“. I was 8 years old when that particular burden began being laid on me regularly. (This typical “burdening of the oldest child” usually came after my parents fought over my father’s alcoholism and my mother was ready to kick him to the curb.) So for me – I can begin a cycle of feeling very depressed when my symptoms flare up and create change or havoc in my life. I feel like I am failing at keeping the family together, happy, fed, successful. These are literally ghosts of my past – being exacerbated by symptoms of illness in my present.

But – Why do I understand it now? Because I talk about it. Because I look into myself. Because I seek self-awareness everyday.

The thing is – everyone has old ghosts. And chronic illness can raise these ghosts in the strangest ways and at the strangest times. It can create new ghosts. The changes brought into our lives by chronic illness can also make us go into hiding as we avoid talking about painful emotions, fears…depression.

If you are feeling depressed – talk about it. Now. Tomorrow. With a friend, relative, professional…with whomever you feel most safe. Just talk about it.

Namaste

Carolyne

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It Takes a Team to Manage your Health

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Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.  ~World Health Organization, 1948

One thing I have learned over the years is that the support of a team is essential for so many achievements in life, be it at work or at home. The same is very true for managing health if you live with chronic illness.

But what does that team look like? Well – it varies for every person. A team can be you and a family member. It can be small. It can be large. One large team…or teams within a team. It can consist of close contacts. It can consist of near strangers. What matters is that you feel supported by your team.

I consider myself very lucky, despite my health challenges. I have a fantastic support team. My support team includes my family, my colleagues, my medical healthcare team, my pets, my yoga community, and my new synchro swimming buds. One large team…with teams within a team.

Each member of what I call my support team helps me along my journey and in managing my health in his or her own way, at various times. (And yes – sometimes they don’t even know how much they may have helped me in one moment or another.) My husband cheers me on, and is there to catch me when I fall or when I just need someone to hold me and hug me and tell me it will all be ok. The rest of my family are also there to cheer me on and catch me when I fall – as are my closest friends. My boss allows me to work primarily from home so that I can keep working. I also am lucky enough to have developed good relationships and friendships with my medical support team – from my neurologists to my massage therapist, chiropractor, and osteopath. With my synchro team, I have a fantastic coach who supports my goals for competition and respects me enough to push me when she knows I need that pushing. My health history doesn’t scare her at all.

I am very appreciative of all of their contributions to how I manage my health. And I try to let them know that as often as I can.

And I appreciate you all – as my readers, you are also a part of my support team…so thank you!

Teamwork is the ability to work as a group toward a common vision, even if that vision becomes extremely blurry. ~Author Unknown

Who  makes up your support team?

Namaste

Carolyne

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Rest: We will Return after These Messages…

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“Sometimes the most urgent thing you can possibly do is take a complete rest.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

Two Sisters – Ah…Savasana in the sun….

Summer sun – is there anything more wonderful? The warmth? The heat…the baking heat…frig, it’s hot.

This summer, with much of the continent affected by recorded breaking temperatures, there have been many people seriously affected by the heat. I myself am also experiencing the MS effects of heat more than I ever have in my history with MS. For example – my legs gave out twice on me while out and about in the Rockies. My hubby-to-be, Mike, actually had to catch me in one of these episodes as my legs simple “let go”. (I happened to be on the cliff side of a hiking trail…so I am glad he caught me!!)

I am, as many MS’ers may be, experiencing big flare ups of my symptoms due to the summer heat. So – I am going to rest for the next few weeks, and simply take a break from my “busy-ness” by purposely being less busy. Believe me – that’s not easy for a type-A personality like me! I gots things to do, places to go, people to see, blogs to write…the list is endless. But I mentally, emotionally, and physically need to do this.

“I know exactly what I want. Everything. Calm, peace, tranquility,
freedom, fun, happiness. If I could make all that one word, I would – a
many-syllabled word. “- Johnny Depp

So – see y’all in September. have a great summer – and remember to rest!

namaste.

Carolyne

The Beauty of the BUT

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“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” ~ Buddha

Have you ever noticed how the word “but” can can change the meaning and context of communication and self-talk in subtle but distinct ways?

“I’m sorry – but it’s not really my fault!” – redirecting accountability

“I know this isn’t good for me – but it’s just this once.” – rationalizing

‘But’ can be a powerful word for such a small one. Often, using ‘but’ contradicts  or rationalizes the intent and context the speaker. However it also can affect the expectations of the listener.

I was on my yoga mat the other day thinking about this, after my lovely teacher Kim (ALL Yoga) spent some one-on-one time with me to bring me back to the simple joy of yoga – all forms of yoga. In trying to settle my mind during my practice and especially savasana, the word “but” kept floating in. “I  should spend more time on my mat, … but I am so busy at work; but I have so much to do around here; but my friends or family need me to do this or that.” “I’d try that, but I am not sure I can do it successfully.” But, but, BUT.

But can stop you from moving forward…as you rationalize you way into and out of scenarios. When challenged with chronic illness, the word but can become the crutch that stops us from trying new things, keeping up with the old, or moving out of the current comfortable (or not so comfortable) “status quo”. Sometimes this is good…however sometimes, we need to stop using “but” in order to change.

Did you know that the word “but” as is, in French, is pronounced more like “boo” (with more nasal intones) and means “goal”?

So you know what I decided to do? I decided to use the word “but” in the context of “goal”.  As in: “I know I have challenges to face. But I know I can overcome them.”

Mon but dans la vie est de prendre bien soin de ma santé , de ma famille, et de mes amis.

How’s your “but” doing?

“Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless.” ~ Jamie Paolinetti 

Namaste

Carolyne

On My Mat: Life’s Journey is Not about a River in Egypt

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Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you.  Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure.  ~Murphy’s Law

I have traveled the river of denial (get it..de-Nile…ok, bad joke) a few times on my journey through life. One of the reasons that I love this artwork above (not only because it is a beautiful work of art from my son’s lovely girlfriend of which you can see more at
http://www.facebook.com/caitsart
) but because of the emotions and awareness that it evokes in me. I love, love, love this piece of simple evocative art.

When I look at this picture, I see myself. I see my friends. I see my family. I see the strangers around me. What do I see? I see the highly personal and individual struggle we all travel on our own life journeys. Sometimes that struggle can cause us to deny what we see in front of us, hide our faces…and peek out between our fingers only when we think it is safe again.

As I was lying in the bliss of savasana one day on my mat, happy to have realigned my body, and I began noting thoughts about denial and what it means. I, for one, can be really good at denial – though as I have aged (and theoretically gained vast amounts of wisdom) I have learned that facing the scary parts full on is really the best way I have found to handle anything. Denial usually comes as a result of fear – and our own unwillingness to face that fear. Hence – we develop our own states of denial. (It’s kinda like putting your hands over your eyes when you don’t want to see something, or your hands over your ears if you don’t want to hear something.)

Here is an excerpt from Dr. Sanity about denial and what it is (Dr.Sanity Blogspot):

Denial may be conceptualized as an attempt to reject unacceptable feelings, needs, thoughts, wishes–or even a painful external reality that alters the perception of ourselves. This psychological defense mechanism protects us temporarily from:
-Knowledge (things we don’t want to know)
-Insight or awareness that threatens our self-esteem; or our mental or physical health; or our security (things we don’t want to think about)
-Unacceptable feelings (things we don’t want to feel)

I have learned over time that the moment I recognise that I feel fear (of anything) is the very moment that I have to take the hands off my eyes, turn around, and face that fear head on. If I don’t, then all I am doing is denying the existence of my fear, and of the source of that fear.

When it comes to dealing with a chronic illness, this applies too. For some of us, our chronic illnesses can be a constant source of fear and denial. How many of us deny symptoms; hope symptoms will go away on their own; just take the doc’s word at face value – with no questioning? I know I did, and sometimes still do! (I often call it pure stubborn-ness – but really, it can often boil down to simple denial…ok, I am facing that. :)

“Facts sometimes have a strange and bizarre power that makes their inherent truth seem unbelievable.” ~ Werner Herzog

Namaste

Carolyne

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