On March 7th, I had one of the procedures I have feared the most – the dreaded lumbar puncture. The thought of a needle going into my spine paralyzed me with fear. I mean, we are talking about a woman who said an emphatic “No!” to two epidurals when giving birth – because the thought of a needle going into my spine for any reason was more terrifying than excruciating pain!

In order to make it through the procedure in any way, my doc prescribed me some Ativan. Well, I was so anxious and scared, I took 5 over the course of the morning the day of the procedure (not something I recommend). I was still very anxious and jumpy by the time the procedure was done in the afternoon, however once it was done, the Ativan kicked in big-time, and I don’t remember much of the day as a consequence. (However, I do clearly remember the pain of the needle going in, strangely enough, and a sharp pain down my leg as the procedure went on.) I was flat on my back for 3-4 days, and as of the time of this writing am still dealing with back pain and muscle spams as a result. (Apparently muscle spasms afterwards are rare, but do happen to a small percentage of people. The most common after-effect is headache and/or nausea.) The spams, I am told, should begin to subside within 4-6 weeks. In the meantime, I am getting massages (painful), and trying to rest flat when I need to, and stretch the muscles as much as possible.

During the procedure, apparently my doctor, my sweetie, and I were discussing my mystery – I don’t remember, even though I was apparently very much a part of the conversation. But the discussion can be resolved down to two statements: If is IS multiple sclerosis, it is so a-typical the neuro community finds it fascinating. Or, if it is a brain tumour, it is also a-typical, and the neuro community finds it fascinating. I have always wanted to be fascinating – just not necessarily in that sense!

In the meantime, I am still awaiting the results of the puncture – and the wait is killing me! I want to know definitively, one way or another: do I, or don’t I, have MS? I feel like I am living in limbo right now…till taking my MS meds, and dealing with my MS symptoms…but not knowing for sure if it really is MS. And because I am waiting on the medical system to call me with the dates of the next round of tests, I can’t plan anything in terms of travel or anything too big since the turn around can be very short notice, as has already happened. ARGH!

My friends and family are all on the edge of their seats too – what is it? have you heard yet? When will you know? Stay tune, all…once I know, you’ll all know!