“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’
You must do the thing you think you cannot do. ” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
Image Source: http://siobhancurious.com/

Well, I am back! Didja miss me?

I took some time off from my busy-ness to rest for the past few weeks over the summer, as the heat was taking a toll on my health by flaring up MS symptoms (even my old one of MS Hugs – not fun). The rest was well worth it – mentally, physically and emotionally – though I can’t really say I was not busy!

The busy-ness seemed to morph somewhat, rather than disappear. Isn’t it amazing how you can take something of you to-do list, and other things magically appear to take the place of the things you removed! Case in point: My upcoming next month or so I will hopefully be moving into a new home that we offered on, getting married, working full-time and balancing life while working on some large projects at the office, and also trying to forge some new ground.

What do I mean “forge some new ground”? Well…Having the time to “rest’ (HAHAHAHAH!) allowed me to look inside and prioritize what I needed to manage most – including wrapping up old issues that I had pushed to the back-burner to “deal with” later. One of those issues was my fear of getting back in the water…fear created by my history of seizures.

You see, sometimes living with chronic illness can feel emotionally like someone is slowly chipping away at you – who you are, what you can do, what freedoms you can still enjoy, and so on. For me, the seizures came with a fear of being in the water…because that is a very risky place to be during a seizure. I had stopped taking baths (don’t worry – I do shower :); I had stopped my competitive swimming (mainly because of the virtigo); I had given in my driver’s liscense which effectively reduced my freedom. And I felt like a vital piece of me had been suffocated by my seizure disorder with all these little pieces going down. Combine that with the stigma against seizures that I experiences in the spring…well, if any of you follow me regularly, you know that that is a trigger for me to “Face the Fear” and make a change.

So – what did I do? I set myself a  big goal and a cause: I will be swimming competitively again by my 50th birthday and raising awareness of stigma against Seizure Disorders.

I have joined the local Masters Synchronized Swimming team. I have roughly  2 years until I turn 50 (fifty) years old – and I plan to be in the water, doing a synchronized swimming routine competitively, and showing people that no matter what, seizures or no – it CAN be done. (And – also to show that being 50 years old or over does not means everthing stops…one can still be at the top of their game. Though maybe the games rules are a bit different?)

Facing my first fear was to get back in the water. And I did! I got back in, and my ol’ body remembered how to do the synchro figures – though I gotta say, my “ballast” feels alot different than when I was 17 years old and competing! I completed my first 90 minute training with no problems (other than recognizing that I haven’t used certain muscles in a LONG time…and I have a lot of work to do! Thank God for yoga – it will be my rock for this in many ways – including core and flexibility!)

How do I feel after my first session in the water? Physically – exhausted! But emotionally and mentally? Fantastic. Determined. Courageous. Powerful. I faced a fear – the fear of getting back in the water – and did it anyway!

Does it cure my MS or my seizures? Heck no! But it does increase my confidence in my own ability to create and live my life in the way I see fit, no matter what my illness throws at me!

“Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.”~ Bill Cosby
So – what’s your goal? Is it big? Small? It really doesn’t matter – it just needs to fit YOU! (Size is just a matter of perspective, anyway, ain’t it?)
Namaste
Carolyne
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