Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal. ~ Albert Camus
What is Normal? When you have a chronic illness such as MS, does the definition change?
Someone recenty commented that I was trying too hard to be normal. So I have been having a philosophical discussion with myself in recent weeks about what I consider my own “normal”. What is normal anyway? Is it a behaviour? A way of speaking? A way of interacting? Is it skin colour? Is it clothing choice? Is it education? What is “normal”? More importantly…what is MY normal?
My answer? Normal is a very individual thing.
My own “normal” has undergone a reformation and reshaping this year…so I am trying to figure out what that normal is now. In the past year I have moved, gotten re-married, started full-on menopause with its roller coaster ride of crazy symptoms, found myself unchallenged at somethings and over-challenged in others, dealt with the ups/downs/and sideways issues of having 2 kids in university, and thrown myself heart and soul into my personal cause of swimming against stigma (by swimming competitively in synchronized swimming after 30 years out of it). So…where does normal come into this equation?
As I have aged and managed my life with MS, I have never strived to be “normal” – because that definition is elusive, as far as I am concerned. I have always strived to be “normal for me”. And what is normal for me? How can I figure that out if the parameters keep changing on me, as is the wont of MS and its symptoms?
Normal for me means dealing with change and adapting on a monthly, daily, and even hourly basis. It means pulling back when I need to, and pushing forward hard when I can. It means heeding the advice of those around me when I can, and knowing when to ignore it, listening to only my own advice to myself. Normal for me means pushing the boundaries; seeing where the edge is and if I can push past it. It means facing my fears and doing it anyway. It means breaking stigmas against MS, seizure disorders, and chronic illness as a whole.
My normal from 30 years ago differs from my normal of 15 years ago, and from my normal of 5 years ago, or even 1 year ago. What was the overlying common denominator in all of that? It was my resilience and ability to deal with change. THAT is my normal.
I re-discover my normal on a regular basis. Right now – my temporary normal is figuring out what my new normal is with my new activities such as swimming and trying to be back in the office more often than before. Is it hard work? Yep- Very hard work. Is it worth the frustration, confusion, and sometime even pain? Yep. For me – that is just a normal part of the process.
What is your normal?
Normal is not something to aspire to, it’s something to get away from. ~ Jodie Foster
Namaste
Carolyne
Related articles
- Coping with Chronic Illness: Specialist Toby Dauber on Becoming Stronger and Living a Fulfilling Life (prweb.com)
- My Normality – Life with Chronic Illness (yetanotherlefty.wordpress.com)
- Acceptance: It’s not about giving up but living life despite chronic illness (brainlesionandme.com)
- A life changed through illness… (brainlesionandme.com)
- Tips for Coping with Chronic Illness (psychcentral.com)
- I Want to be Normal (livelovebipolar.wordpress.com)
- Pretending to Be Normal (fibroinyourface.wordpress.com)
MS Means...Living and Laughing with Multiple Sclerosis 
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Today, I went to the beach front with my kids. I found a sea shell
and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She placed the shell to her ear and
screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear.
She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is totally off topic but I had to tell someone!
Well written – there’s a lot here to take in. I’ll come back and read it again!
My struggle with MS has been through the what is “Normal” conversation internally, and I have come to the realization that my ever changing well-being will never have a main stream normal, again. My normal is abnormal. By talking about normal, I believe the underlying desire to be normal is driven by self-worth.
Self-worth is defined differently by the norms of the societal male and female condition. Not being able to provide as a man, and the relinquishing of household tasks to my wife really affected my self-worth. So, my ongoing normal affects another’s normal increasing the load on my care-giver that I used to call lover and wife. MS has been a real catalyst in my personal emasculation which constantly drives a depressed mind set. If I did not have my service dog, checking out of the constant physical torcher and mental Ping-Pong finding thinks no longer within my ability. A drain on society.
The only direction is forward. Normal will never happen in again. Others have worse maladies’, and they struggle on with normal.
I am so sorry your struggle is so difficult. I agree with you – the only direction is forward. Thanks for such a heart-felt reply.